If wishes were fishes...

Today, I had one of those experiences at one of those places when you look in the mirror and are just disgusted with what you see... and of course, every flaw on your body seems like it's magnified by every ray of light that passes over it... some things look stretched and fattened... and you can't help but feel self-conscious, even though you're by yourself, and become embarrassed for noticing? Where was I? ...You've guessed it... but no, not looking into one of those circus mirrors... I was in the Nordstrom dressing room today. Not a pretty site... in my eyes at least. That small glimpse made me wish so badly that I could change my appearance by my own will instantaneously. That every flaw be magicked away by mind power, and that I could look in the mirror and see what my definition of "healthy" and "desirable" was. To have clean, pure skin. To glow with a healthy sun-tan and not be so pale and blotchy looking. To have a body that could be featured on Fitness Magazine. To have a very chiseled facial bone-structure. So guess what... the "I wish" syndrome that I've just described is something that, I'm sure, everyone, at least every girl, has had in concern to body image at some point. So, although this small episode of depression in my self-esteem occurred today, I have developed a plan to bring endorphins in to play!

There was a time when I thought that running an entire mile with out getting winded afterward would be impossible for me. Today, I report that with Metabolife it IS POSSIBLE! Hooray for the S.O.O.S.A (Seriously Out Of Shape Asthmatic) aka Me. I have run three 15 minute miles this week, without the huff and puff at the end... ok, jogs, not runs, but... I AM proud! Although I must credit the bulk of stamina and energy to the Metabolife, I would definitely submit that new workout music is a strong factor as well. Never in my little mind did I imagine that I'd catch myself with a ridiculously large grin on my face while on a treadmill...twas absurd! This small start is the commencement of what I hope to be a life-long practice of good exercise habits that have not already been implemented into my life on a regular basis. The goal is to be in incredible shape when I'm 40, 50, 60... and how ever long I decided to stick around before sky-diving without a parachute. We're looking long-term here. Consider this post my public statement. No longer will I allow myself to become fat with wishes. After all, Grandpa had a saying: If wishes were fishes we'd all have a fry, and if horse-(poop) were biscuits we'd eat till we die!

Monday... Tuesday... Wednesday...

Definitely had a very productive and eventful week.

Monday: School and Work. Meh.

Tuesday: Day off. Went to my painting class, went home, painted some more. Studied for my Biology test, went to Institute for a little, took the Biology test and increased my grade from the last test by 10%... awesome! Afterward, I ventured over to Jenny Troxel's (in the singles ward) home to participate in a weekly gospel discussion group called "Preach My Gospel" The discussions are taken from the missionary handbook, Preach My Gospel, where we all talk about a gospel related topic and build one another up. About 20 singles attend each week and I find it to be a very educating and uplifting activity! We discussed how to develop Christ-like attributes and why it's important to marry someone who has those attributes etc. Really good Tuesday!

Time OUT!> There was a brief moment when I began to lack self-esteem and found myself engaged in some very brutal negative self talk. At that very moment my phone notified me that I had received a new email message. It was from Whitney and contained a little quote that I just had to share!:

"Our deepest fear is not that w are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you NOT to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. we are all meant to shine, as children do. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
-Marianne Williamson

Wednesday: Started at about 2am hugging the toilet. bleh. I remained there until about 5am... then forced myself to get up and go to school to turn in mandatory assignments, take no-make-up quizzes, and cram in an Astronomy test. I was nauseated all day and ended up calling into work sick and just slept on the couch at home.

Thursday (favorite day of this last week for sure!): Had my painting class again, went to work form 10:30 to 3:30, went home and finally got ready for the day... painted some more... and then at 7, Whitney came over! I was just so excited! I've missed Whitney so much and having her again was just a straight up treat! We went to WalMart and shopped for some ingredients to make fajitas for ourselves. So delicious!

Then had kiwis and frozen white chocolate raspberry yogurt for dessert. It was so good to just catch up with each other that it made my whole week!


Friday: Went to Biology in the morning, and then saw Ashlee and Jessica Baker at school. I hadn't seen Ashlee in a long while and Jessica in YEARS so I spent the rest of the school day bumming with them in the cafeteria and running errands with Ashlee. It was another wonderful catch up day!... and then I went to work. Meh. BUT I did get work off early... I hurried home and was able to have a fun movie night with the family and make a good attempt at starting my lesson.

Saturday: Slept in. Perf. Ran off to work until 9pm, then came home and continued to read through my lesson... it was on Genesis 24-29 about Abraham, Isaac, Jacob and Esau... and all the blessings of the Birthright and Eternal Marriage.

Today (Sunday): The time change for Daylight Savings was hard, but turned out okay. I thoroughly enjoyed church! The topic in the Sacrament Meeting was Faith, and then I taught my lesson for the Sunday School, and then adjourned to Relief Society and had lessons on the Fall of Adam and the importance of regular scripture study. I am "finished" with another painting, but, I'm sure my professor will think differently, I'll post that as soon as I have a final word.
Tomorrow is Dad's 58th birthday! We had the family over for cake and ice cream and singing and playing... I love family gatherings so much... and I seriously can NOT, CAN not believe that Daddy is already 58! I'm too young for that! but... what can we do? Life is just moving too fast sometimes... I really don't ever want to be 21... or even 20 actually. I think I'll just be 19 again this year...

So Far...So Good...

I have come to the absolute conclusion that life is simply wonderful. I am in love with everything about being alive and having new experiences and feelings every day.

This semester, I have had the blessing of developing a new talent in a beginning painting class. I have posted my favorites below, beginning with the first and ending with the most recent. The last two were not assigned in class, but done as extracurricular enjoyment.

11 x 16

11x16



12x16



8x10



12x12

I think I have discovered that I LOVE painting...even if what I've done has been fairly mediocre, I'm still quite proud of myself! I can't wait to sit down and create companion pieces for each of them!

Other things that I've loved about this year: Learning to play guitar (like 5 chords really). Teaching a Gospel Doctrine class in my singles ward. Going to school full time and making all kinds of new friends, as well as seeing the old. Temple dates with Beckie. Going to dinner/institute with my besties every week (either Ashlee, Merissa, or Beckie or combos...Whitney has class=Blah) Being included in Merissa's wedding plans. Reconnecting with my cousin Shanny. Finding sales at Target! (even though I really really really really really miss Nordstrom... working part-time just doesn't allow for those kind of expenses... but it is helping with the whole "save money" factor).

The one thing I've HATED this year: I honestly have only seen Whitney about 3 times in the past 2 and a 1/2 MONTHS! ...the last time was a month ago. Woof... and a half...+ a half...= Double Woof. wah wah wah...

The dating scene has been awful for a while, but I am not bothered by it at all surprisingly... Yes, I have had a couple of dating horror stories come true in the past month, but, I find myself practically optimistic in regards to the future... how weird. Inside, I'm laughing out loud. I love being single: this has been a very productive, independent, and great time so far. I do not think that anything could possibly disrupt how happy I am with my state of being at this point in time; unless, by some chance, my missing puzzle piece person comes into the picture. That would not be desirable. Life is too good to add someone else to the equation... for now...

Like I said: So Far...So so Good!